


We Didn’t Just Kiss

by sulkysheep



Series: Gutters [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: :(, Alternate Universe, Angst, Dean Has a Girlfriend, Implied Sexual Content, Infidelity, Longing, M/M, best friends to lovers (implied), but he likes cas, they like each other but they don’t know it, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 23:44:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15254685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sulkysheep/pseuds/sulkysheep
Summary: It’s a part of the pain that never goes away. Castiel can hold Dean, but only after their carnal activities are done, only for as long as Dean allows before his walls fall shut.





	We Didn’t Just Kiss

Castiel feels something curl in his gut, knowing he’s going to send Dean back to his perfect little girlfriend with Castiel’s marks all over him, inside and out. She may have the right to him in public, but Dean is his where it counts. If that’s all Castiel can get, he’s going to hold onto it.

For now, all he can do is leave imprints in the dark, like purple and red presents on Dean’s skin. Each one made in desperation, a plea to stay made with tongue and teeth.

He never says it aloud, though. If he does, it’s over. Castiel knows this.

It’s a part of the pain that never goes away. Castiel can hold Dean, but only after their carnal activities are done, only for as long as Dean allows before his walls fall shut. Castiel can kiss him dean, but only in the cover of darkness, where prying eyes are unable to see through the thick and heavy black. He knows it’s there to protect them; it feels like it’s smothering instead.

Castiel knows what it feels like to have a love so close that it burns. Castiel isn’t unintelligent. He knows how this works.

That doesn’t mean his heart does.  
He smothers himself for another day.

 

 

Dean doesn’t know what to do anymore.

He— he doesn’t love his girlfriend. Doesn't know if he ever did, but he knows when he realized it.  
The day Castiel walked into his life, it fell apart. Instead of running, Castiel helped Dean piece it back together again.

He didn’t mean to fall into bed with his best friend.

Were they even just friends in the first place? Dean can’t find where his desire starts and ends; he’s lost sight of everything else trying to find them.

How far can he take this? How far can he go?

He drives home at night, hands shifting on the wheel, feeling like there are people looking in through the car windows. While he doesn’t know what he’s doing, they most certainly do. He adjusts his rear view mirror, and sees his lips are bitten red. His heart beats faster.

It takes a lot of effort not to not turn around right then and there.

Until he remembers; he’s just a body, that Castiel has never made the slightest indication of interest beyond sex. Hell, if he knew just how much Dean was “interested”— Dean passed interested miles back. There’s only now, where he feels like the only thing that will make his life the best that it can be is Castiel and his smile.

Dean grips the steering wheel tighter when he finally pulls up to his apartment complex.

**Author's Note:**

> i didn’t just kiss her  
> we went all the way and she liked it  
> she likes to think she didn’t invite it  
> these scratches aren’t because she tried to fight it 
> 
> \- I Didn’t Just Kiss Her, Jen Foster 
> 
> :(  
> ps, I don’t condone cheating. dean needs to fess up and cas needs to c h i l l


End file.
